Why some people are and will remain single, are social networking sites to blame[ face book, MySpace]?

The basic idea of my generations self indulgement and self centeredness has always given me pain in my heart as to the unforeseeable future, I had my own scattered thoughts about how excessive self worship and selfishness was ruining me and my generation, but not until I laid my hands on a very nice piece online that had almost all the right words I needed, because the writer was writing originally as a narrative, picking out the fruits from the orchard would have been a tedious and discouraging task to the ordinary reader. So, I decided to help break it down, make some insertions, deductions and simmer down to points a little bit more faster, all I want is for my people to get the message and deliberate over it for ones of understanding.
Narcissism is defined by the Encarta dictionary of the English language as;
personality disorder: in psychiatry, a personality disorder characterized by the patient's overestimation of his or her own appearance and abilities and an excessive need for admiration. In psychoanalytic theory, emphasis is placed on the element of self-directed sexual desire in the condition.


self- admiration: excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness.


Twenge also said that a study she's currently conducting with W. Keith Campbell leads to the conclusion that narcissism in Africa is higher than it's ever been before, and by definition narcissists consider themselves more important than the people they associate with, narcissistic people make terrible relationship partners. Twenge blames this spike in narcissism on societal teachings like those aforementioned but also feels that purported social networking devices like MySpace and Face book are less a method of connecting with others than a means of shameless self-promotion, giving the individual limitless opportunity to think about themselves and advertise why other people should want to know them.

Any way you slice it, we're all looking out for Number One. Here's the trouble: the more time we spend thinking about ourselves, formulating clever responses to friends' online comments about us, posting our most attractive photos, and "pimping our profiles" to leave impressions on our contacts, the less time we spend actually interacting with and caring about others.
The fact today is, young African adults view deep emotional involvement with others as weakness and dependence. It's not just that our culture accepts and accommodates the single lifestyle now -- it's that it actually despises the individual who isn't focused solely on her own personal advancement. The ubiquitous teachings from our capitalist culture media, Boomer-generation parents who toiled to teach us the importance of pursuing personal goals, and teachers in an increasingly survival-of-the-very-fittest education system -- all these emphasize the individual and her goals, not her need for involvement with others.

Looking for love or a list of features?

Chris Morett is a sociology professor specializing in family and marriage at Fordham University in New York City. Morett echoes this cultural emphasis on the individual. He says our communities and peer groups have broken down significantly in the last decade, and our consumer culture promises the singular single that you can "Have it your way." Thus young Africans are less willing to compromise their own desires than ever before, and Morett goes so far as saying that the African dating process has become similar to other means of shopping for a product.
Women don't need marriage for their economic stability and source of identity the institution provided decades ago. The majority of African women nowadays were not raised simply to be wives but to value personal advancement by self-sufficient means, and women are now economically independent, deriving their identity from their work and other societal roles, not just from being a wife. Marriage is no longer a necessity but a choice. So when a woman dates a man and he doesn't possess all the "features" she requires, she briefly deliberates and continues shopping ("Is passionate about his work, check. Loves to travel, check. Forgot to ask how my meeting went, uh- oh. Completely unacceptable.")
The feminine personality is founded on the emotional relationship between mother and baby. It is based on nurturing and self-sacrifice. Masculine nature is founded on the relationship between hunter and prey. It is based on aggression and reason.
Feminism teaches woman that feminine nature has resulted in "oppression" and that she should convert to male behavior instead. The result: a confused and aggressive woman with a large chip on her shoulder, unfit to become a wife or mother.

No longer does a woman need a man or a marriage; now she wants a soul mate, a partner to share her interests and values and someone who provides passion and support and fun. She desires a man who won't require her to sacrifice her identity or every aspect of the single lifestyle she's come to enjoy.
But until we meet him, the solution to the single person's isolation may be simple: shut the lid on our laptops and get over ourselves -- you don't have to do it all on your own. We'll only find the comfort to our singles' loneliness by spending time in the physical presence of people we love. If we want love, we have to love. We have to open our hearts to connecting again.
Muhammad Tijjani Nakande; a freelance writer; is the unauthorized editor who reshaped this beautiful article by dating editor Kristine Gasbare for tanoo.com